2018 - so many lessons...

Hola mis amores - I should definitely be revising seen as I've done nothing all holiday, oops... :) First of all i hope anyone reading had a good christmas and i wish you all the brightest, smiliest, happiest new year!

I thought seen as i banged on about how much time i took to reflect upon the year in the last 2 weeks or so that i'd write a post about what i learnt in 2018, about myself, about others and just life in general.

I can't really think where to start; last year was bloody hard - i cried... a lot, and laughed even more. i think one of the most important lessons i learnt was that it is okay to let other people help - i think for pretty much my whole life i thought i could handle everything on my own, i'd take on my own issues and also other people's without really sitting back and realizing how i felt about things, something i think a lot of people do. Last year i had to sit back and let other people help me...my worst nightmare, as anyone who knows me knows i think i am invincible (oops i think we've learnt that i'm not) and very stubborn in the way i do things so it was a big thing for me to let people into my little snow globe of a world.

I learnt it is important to pick out the positive things of each day, even if you think nothing particularly positive happened that day; there will be something that happened that you may not have been aware of; at points last year all i could see was how to pick out what negative things had happened that day, i'd say i spiraled into a negative downfall until i realized i had become a person i no longer recognized and realized; shit, i need to sort my life out! Sometimes the tiniest things like taking the dog for a walk, sharing an inside joke with friends or even just managing to get out of bed are things that can, if you try hard enough, change your day and your overall mindset. If you turn things around, the negatives eventually turn into positives, you have to grow through what you go through you'll eventually learn that everything happens for a reason, whether you like it or not.

I learnt not to give up; something i never really would have done with anything anyway as i believe i've always given everything i've got to every situation however there where points last year where i couldn't see the stars (not literally; i wasn't losing my eyesight haha!) but my world was just a bit dark and i thought maybe the best thing i could have done was give up, in so many ways. But, in case you didn't realize, i didn't...i grabbed last year by the scruff of the neck and, excuse the french, told it to f*ck off!! 2018 taught me that if you want something hard enough, you have to fight for it - i'd say i'm still very much in the process of fighting for what i want, but a heck of a lot closer to getting it than i was this point last year! I learnt sometimes you need to get angry - you can't sit around and do nothing, accepting people's bullshit; if something's not going your way there is only you who can do something about it so by God, get angry, scream and shout, cry, do whatever you need to do to live your life the way you want to live it.

Something i don't know whether i learnt or just realized is that sometimes you meet what i'd say are life's angels; wow, deep. I have so many beautiful people with the loveliest souls in my life and i am so grateful for each and everyone of them - each one of them helped me through last year in their own way; whether that have been letting me have a cry to them, the fact that they knew exactly what to say to make me laugh at each moment, whether they let me have a rant to them or whether they pushed me to do something outside of my comfort zone because they believed in me. Thank you - you all know who you are!

I think i learnt to stop being such a people pleaser and to do more things for me - if people don't like what i do or how i lead my life, so be it, that's their problem not mine. I've realized that i no longer care what people think, i'll do as i want when i want; growing up i think i always just wanted to blend in, now i want to do anything but!

Lastly, the most important lessons 2018 taught me was that you truly never know what someone is going through; they could be the smiliest, happiest person you know, but also be an absolute master of wearing a mask. If you believe you know what someone is going through, i can almost guarantee that you don't so please; be kind, don't judge and keep your opinions to yourself.

Bit of a long, deep post to start off the year but needed to be said!

Remember throughout 2019 that everything happens for a reason and to always be UR own light - chao for now, E x